Duck! : The Dick Cheney Survival Bible,9780812977295

Duck! : The Dick Cheney Survival Bible

by
ISBN13: 9780812977295
ISBN10: 0812977297
Format: Trade Paper
Pub. Date: 2006-04-11
Publisher(s): Villard
List Price: $9.95

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Summary

Whether you like it or not, Dick Cheney is our president. Whoops, we mean vice president. Now, just in time for hunting season, here's an indispensable guide fully loaded with tips for surviving these tortuous Cheney years, including: 6 actions to take if you think someone is spying on you; 4 recipes for cooking quail; 4 public relations steps to take if you've shot someone; 9 things Halliburton is under investigation for; 6 ways to impeach a vice president; 7 things to do if your children exhibit Cheney-like behavior (other than send them hunting with the vice president); and 9 ways to profit financially from Cheney. So take heart that we're in the last throes, if you will, of the Cheney reign. Remember, the best kind of leader by far is a lame duck!

Table of Contents

Introduction xiii
6 Vice-Presidential Duties
3(3)
4 Characterizations of the Vice Presidency, by Vice Presidents
6(1)
12 Important Moments in Vice-Presidential History
7(5)
6 Ways to Test Your ``Could I Be Dick Cheney's Best Friend?'' Affinity
12(3)
Bruce McCall
6 Archetypal Dick Cheney Quotes
15(1)
6 Rules That Will Keep You from Getting Shot While Hunting with Vice President Dick Cheney
16(3)
Lucian K. Truscott IV
8 Historical Figures Shot in Hunting Accidents
19(4)
4 Steps to Take If You're Shot in the Face
23(3)
Mark Liponis
II Books in Dick Cheney's Library
26(1)
8 Dick Cheney Conspiracy Theories
27(4)
5 Political Oilmen and Oily Politicians
31(5)
5 Ways to Decorate Your Undisclosed Location
36(4)
10 Most Destructive Lies Dick Cheney Has Told
40(4)
5 Strangest Lies Dick Cheney Has Told
44(2)
9 Lies Dick Cheney Hasn't Told
46(2)
10 Ways to Tell If You're Dick Cheney
48(3)
7 Movies to See with Dick Cheney
51(1)
5 Vice Presidents Worse Than Dick Cheney
52(4)
Joshua Hammer
7 Groups You Can Join to Fight Dick Cheney
56(5)
5 Bad Dogs Speak Out on Cheney
61(6)
R. D. Rosen
Harry Prichett
Rob Battles
7 People Who Hate Dick Cheney More Than You Do
67(6)
9 Other Famous Dicks
73(6)
4 Ways to Recover from a Bad Speech Even If You've Just Shot a Man or Launched a War
79(4)
Francis Wilkinson
5 Things to Expect Dick Cheney to Do as Global Warming Intensifies
83(4)
Eugene Linden
8 Ways Dick Cheney Secretly Controls Intelligence
87(4)
7 Haiku as Written by Dick Cheney
91(2)
6 Ideas for Campaign Reform
93(3)
Doris ``Granny D'' Haddock
7 Steps to Creating Your Dick Cheney Protest Record
96(5)
John Hartmann
8 of Dick Cheney's Favorite Foods
101(1)
8 Reasons Why Not All Oilfield Workers Support Dick Cheney
102(4)
George Lattimore
5 Editorial Cartoons About Dick Cheney
106(3)
5 Flawed Vice Presidents
109(8)
5 Ways to Stay Alive If You Suspect Your Date Is a Dick Cheney Sympathizer
117(3)
Laurie Notaro
8 Steps to Take If You Believe the Government Is Spying on You
120(3)
12 Places to Go Online
123(4)
9 Songs on Dick Cheney's iPod
127(1)
4 Ways to Tell If Your Husband Is Turning into Dick Cheney---and What to Do About It
128(2)
Terry Real
4 Steps to Impeachment
130(5)
1 Last Thing to Worry About
135(2)
Acknowledgments 137

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